Why Other People are a Cause of Low Self Esteem
Newborn babies have no self esteem problems. We have no concept of failure or falling short of expectations. As we mature we start observing, and interacting with, the world and the people in it, and our personal belief systems begin to develop. In a very real sense, our self-esteem becomes based on our interactions with those people. Since we cannot avoid interacting with people, we have to learn how to identify these causes and stop them from affecting us.
The People You Know
Parents lay the foundation for our self image. Children understand that parents expect certain things of them, and if they fail these expectations, it can decrease their sense of self worth. It is important for parents to realise the limits to which they can make demands of their children. Also, criticism and snide comments can be internalized and become part of the child’s belief system and this will be held throughout their adult life. We cannot change our past, and we cannot blame our parents for wanting us to succeed, but what we can change is the way we look at it. Acknowledge the love, learn to set aside the disappointment, forgive where necessary, and move on. The entire field of positive motivation and daily affirmations is designed to combat those internalized feelings and beliefs and allow us to grow past them.
Relationships are also partly based on expectations, so it is important that communication about expectations is open, honest, and clear. Falling short of an ideal that you do not even know about can be very damaging to a relationship as well as our own self image. A similar concept applies to friends and relatives and our relationships with them. We are always more comfortable when we know where we stand and what is expected of us.
Our self-image can also be affected by our relationships at work. On the one hand, the general expectations of the people around us are usually pretty clear. On the other hand, this clarity also makes in easier to point out our shortcomings and all all know people who are willing to do that pointing. What is important in this situation is to realize that a job is an opportunity for growth. If you do no have the required skills to grow at your job, yet, identify them so you can acquire them and meet your goals.
The People You Don’t Know
Most of us are affected, to some degree, by the remarks of total strangers. Perhaps we overhear comments of people as we walk down the street. We may think they’re about us, though they usually aren’t. Or perhaps we may read comments written in blogs or articles (especially when we actively participate in those blogged discussions. ) Perhaps we identify with certain groups that are discussed/dissed in the media, such as on TV or in magazine articles.
The judgements and remarks of strangers can sometimes be more devastating than from those close to us. We may feel unfairly judged or belittled. What’s even worse is that we might find ourselves agreeing with the negative comments. What is important here is to identify these feelings and examine their causes. If the observations are actually correct perhaps we can change our mistake (did I forget to shower today? oops!) and also look for positive affirmations to counter the negative feelings. People who know us can sometimes help to set these things into perspective. There are many books and online sources that can help us change what needs to be changed and grow from there.
As you can see, our perception of failing other people’s expectations is the seed from which poor self image sprouts. These causes of low self esteem are ubiquitous and unavoidable so you must learn to guard against them if you want to grow. Learning to deal with yourself and other people in a positive way is the one sure path to confidence and a good self image.
